Black Feather Alchemist : Story of Broken Dreams
by Kumori Uta
Summary: With the military, alchemy, and the infamous 'Alchemist Killer' a young state alchemist struggles to stay calm and neutral in a time of utter chaos.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer : I don't own any characters from Full Metal Alchemist and this story is based on the creations of the very talented Arakawa Hiromu. Story doesn't exactly follow the anime or manga but it is fanfiction after all.

**Black Feather Alchemist : Story of Broken Dreams**

Chapter 1 : Prologue

Without sacrifice there is no gain.

Alchemy has many laws, all which were broken at one time or another. At times, alchemy was used for purposes other than what it intended. Creating human life, bring back the dead or other things alchemist try to do and fail to succeed. Yet they don't expect the consequence of attempting certain things like that with alchemy. Alchemy was not the solution to every problem and people failed to realize it. It was those people that were considered in the military, complete idiots. Until Edward Elric became a certified state alchemist. The youngest alchemist to join the military and also the most foolish of them all. He had broken the rules of Equivalent Exchange and as punishment for his mistake, he lost his right arm and leg while his brother lost his entire body. Now with an automail arm and his brother's soul contained in a suit of armor, Edward joined the military in hopes of finding information on a stone that could possibly restore their bodies. They were living, breathing proof that alchemy should not be misused for personal reasons. Of course, no one took this life lesson seriously. Edward and his younger brother, Alphonse were too likeable which led people to believe that they didn't deserve the awful life they lived. Of course their enemies thought they didn't deserve to live the life either and thought they might do the two a 'favor' by ending it early. There were those who believed that if you don't know how to work with alchemy then don't try. The consequences are fatal and life-altering. Although there are stories of alchemist who live just as bad lives without the help of alchemy. There is one particular alchemist, one who isn't as liked by the people as Full Metal but just as famous as he is. An alchemist who believes greatly to abide by the laws of alchemy despises anyone who doesn't yet still has a complicated alliances with those to break the very rules of alchemy. Although, there are different arguments against alchemist other than stay true to the laws. The fact that many people believe alchemy is a sin against God. That alchemy shouldn't be used. So as things progress, it becomes the military vs. the people. As the law goes, without sacrifice there is no gain. Sometimes, the military needs to bring out the worst in its alchemist. Just to gain more power.

Power, in the eyes of the people and military, is all that matters.


	2. The Relocation Proclamation

Disclaimer : does the 'Don't Own Dance' sings I don't own Full Metal Alchemist and this story is based on the creations of Arakawa Hiromu. I don't own the characters of the series and I probably, most likely never will.

**Black Feather Alchemist : Story of Broken Dreams**

Chapter 2 - The Relocation Proclamation

I put a cigarette in my mouth and reach for the lighter on my desk. Normally, I wouldn't smoke in my office but I was dying to have one so I broke the rules and lit the cigarette. Breathing in deeply, I looked around the empty office. There were tons of paperwork to get done but it wasn't as much fun as it was before. Before every coward decided to flee central. My fellow Lieutenant Colonel, Maes Hughes included. That bastard could have at least told me he was going to go. At least it spares me of the usual routine of looking at pictures of Elysia's life and every second of it that Hughes managed to capture on a camera. Well Hughes wasn't the only one to run after the most recent alchemist killing. More than half the state alchemist in Central ran their ass to the East with General Basque Gran leading the charge. Damn asshole.

"Lieutenant Colonel Walters?" I look up and see a tall, blonde woman wearing the military uniform that was required. I only wore the damn jacket. Otherwise I had a white button up shirt and a navy miniskirt. Something Hughes dubbed the 'Mustang Uniform' which was quite funny seeing as Roy had big plans that involved all the woman in the military and short miniskirts. I took the cigarette out of my mouth and sat up straight.

"Yes Lieutenant?" I ask. The woman gives me a smile. It's because I'm short...apparently I look 'adorable' with my straight black hair, my blue eyes and the fact that I'm barely "5'1.

"General Haruko would like to see you in his office." Oh how peachy. I put the cigarette back in my mouth and stand. The First Lieutenant salutes me and walks out of the room. _I wonder why Haruko wants to speak to me. _I walk down the hallway to the General's office and knock on the door.

"Come in." I open the door and stand by the door. I salute the General, despite the fact I hate saluting anyone, and wait for him to ask me to sit. If this was Gran, I would have bursted through the door and yelled 'What the hell do you want General Basque?' but I have some form of respect for Haruko. "Nao, please take a seat." Don't mind if I do. I sit in a chair in front of his desk. Hey, how come they've got leather chairs? "With the last killing, most of our men moved to the East with General Basque Gran and the Furher. As you know, you were asked to join them." Yeah. Which I promptly refused. "Which you promptly refused." Score one for Nao, the teller of the future. "Why you refused, we don't know but you will have to go down to the East in three days time." Ugh...the fact that I have to see Havoc, Hughes and Mustang in one room is enough to make me sick. Time to protest.

"Sir, why do I have to head down to the East?" AH! That look in the General's eyes was a scary one. I think I just died. No..No, I'm still smoking. I'm alive.

"Black Feather," Shit. He only calls me that when it's serious. "We need you to keep tabs on this Alchemist Killer, Scar." I nod. "You'll get your orders in the East of what you have to do." I fought to keep my cigarette from falling out of my mouth. I was being transferred to the East Headquarters without being asked.

"Who...am I going to have to report to?" Please don't say Roy Mustang. Please don't say Roy Mustang.

"Colonel Roy Mustang." My mouth dropped. He said Roy Mustang. DAMN. Note to self: Don't wear anymore miniskirts because Roy will flirt with anything that looks remotely like a female. I sigh and take the cigarette into my fingers. "I expect you ready to leave in two days." I THOUGHT YOU SAID THREE! Fine. Don't care. "You may leave."

"Yes Sir. Goodbye Sir." I leave the room and start walking down the hallway. This was going to be one hell of a bad day and it's only started. I kick a ball of paper that is on the ground and sigh. Central, I hardly knew ye.

Author's Note: Chapter Three coming soon. Review please


	3. Letter

**Disclaimer**: Don't own FMA, don't plan to. Don't own characters of FMA and I never will.

**Note**: Probably a little late for a note like this to appear but just wanna warn the public about my story. Yes, it involves cursing and most likely a lot of it. It will have offense things in the story, but just go along with it. Also, in the future...there might possibly be...relationships...yaoi relationships. Or not. Depends how I want the story to go. Because it's _my_ story and I'll do what _I_ want too. And if you don't like it, you can go tell to the someone who cares. Which isn't me. Because I don't. Yeah...anyway, on with the story.

* * *

Chapter 3 - Letter

I stare at my blank paper, pen in hand and thinking a bit too hard about what I should write down. I don't know why I find it so difficult to write a damn letter to an old friend but I seem to be challenged when it comes to writing. Which is probably why I don't turn in reports half the time. I despise writing, I despise the words 'report' or 'notes' and I hate, hate, HATE recording my findings in any notebook for the damned military. But back to my current problem. How to start the letter.

_Dear Midori,_

Aie, that sounds too stupid. 'Dear'...no one uses that word anymore. I'll cross that out. Maybe I'll just write the bastard's name on it. I scribble the word 'bastard' and snicker at my pathetic attempts to insult my old friend. So cross that out. Damn, I'll just write whatever.

_Midori,_

_It's been a while since I wrote anything to you (or anything in particular) so I whipped out a piece of paper and took out my pen to waste my time on updating you with my horrifically boring life. How kind of me, don't you agree? Anyway, I just heard news that I'll be sent to the east in hopes of protecting those pathetic alchemist from the man we call 'Scar'. I don't know how they expect ME to do anything about the man. I know only three facts about the anti-alchemist and those are that he's an Ishvalan, he has a scar in the shape of an X on his head and he obviously dislikes alchemist that work with the military. Not that I blame the man, we aren't the most caring people in the world. But back to going to the East Headquarters. I'll be under the command of that pompous, annoying, bastard Roy Mustang. My life is going to be hell. But enough about me, how are things with you going? Hopefully, you aren't causing too much trouble out there Midori. That was stupid of me to say seeing as it's you we are talking about. When do you not cause trouble? Anyway, don't get yourself killed (not that I'm thinking you will) and stop being a bastard to people._

_Love, Nao_

I look at the note. It's pretty good considering who it was for. At least I didn't threaten to shove my gun down his throat and pull the trigger if he dares to think about causing trouble. I look at my paper and snicker as I add an afterthought.

_P.S. By the way, just because I'm going to be in the East doesn't mean you have the right to visit me. Which means NO late night visits to where I'm staying, you perverted bastard. And don't bothering trying to find out where I'm staying. You'll never figure it out anyway._

With a smirk on my face and I fold the paper in a envelope, content with my ending note. Although knowing my midori, that might strike a challenge for him to try and find me. It's not like that idiot friend of mine can find out where I'm staying. With a dreadful sigh, I look out the window. It's pitch black outside and although I should be sleeping, I'm not. Tomorrow I leave to the East, early in the morning at that too. I despise getting up early but what choice do I have? When you join the military, you don't get choices. I gave up a life of freedom to become, and to put it bluntly and as harshly as I can, a bitch of the military. I'm a toy for the military, a 'dog' as I bluntly stated to be ordered around as if I was not human like the rest of them. State Alchemist are on a completely different level than other people. We're dirt. At times, we're lower than that. People who become alchemist in the military throw their lives away to be stepped on by egoistical, moronic, and extremely cruel bastards that have higher rank. With the exception of that damned Gran who seems to have a damn good life. I had my life taken from me before I even entered the military and with nothing left, I thought 'Hell, might as well' then I proceeded to join the military. Yet the people hate me. Despise me. I deserve it though. I'm not the nicest alchemist around. In fact, the word 'nice' or 'caring' cannot be even used to describe me. I'm another fucking puppet of the military.

Being a State Alchemist sucks.


	4. In the East

Disclaimer: If I owned Full Metal Alchemist, would I be posting a fanfiction here? Would I even BE here? No. I wouldn't. I'd be in Japan, in a huge house with Taro Yamamoto, Hyde, and Ando Masanobu as my personal slaves.

Note: Thanks to those who reviewed (I'll try to keep that piece of advice about the paragraphs in mind kori hime!) Ha, this chapter is long..er...than the others. Yeah. Err...what as I going to say? Oh yeah, 'crude language' below so if you don't like cursing then don't read...or read and ignore it. Or whatever. Peace. **The first half is in Mustang's PoV and the second in Ed's PoV.** Just a handy tip incase you get confused.

* * *

**Chapter 4 - In the East**

"Roy, I don't think it's wise of you to- ROY ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" I ignore Maes and continue to walk out of my office, with a smirk on my face. How can I not be happy? My little demon was coming to the East and was going to be under my command, no less. It was a good day to be Roy Mustang. Not that the others would know that. "Roy, if you send Ed to pick up Nao, she'll-"

"She won't do anything. Her and Ed are bound to get along." Maes looks at me like I'm mad. Was it wrong for me to think that the two arrogant pipsqueaks would get along? Come on, they are the same age...and height. Maes rolls his eyes at my response, knowing full well what I was thinking. "Plus, Nao wouldn't dare do anything to put her on probation...again." I heard a snicker escape from Maes. Scowling, I turn around and glare at him.

"What? You brought up the probation thing not me!" Still scowling, I keep walking. When Nao was on probation last time, she happened to be visiting us here in the East. Luckily, Full Metal and his younger brother were out so they hadn't met. If they had, we would have had a bigger mess than what happened. Let's just say Nao and I got into a little disagreement about her actual height which led to an fight. A fistfight but nonetheless, a fight. Which she got put on probation for a week for starting it and attacking a higher ranking officer. She was forced to clean the headquarters which caused her to go on a insane pranking scheme in which is recruited Havoc as her partner in crime. I was NOT happy about what had happened. "But that one thing she did with your uniform and the skirt-"

"Shut up Hughes." I reply bitterly. I do not need to be reminded about the uniform incident again. Dropping that subject, I scan the room and see Hawkeye lecturing Havoc on something or another. Knowing Hawkeye, her lecture was probably about late paperwork. "Where's Full Metal?" I ask, expecting the short alchemist to pop out of nowhere.

"In his dorm with Alphonse, why sir?" Hawkeye asks, still glaring at Havoc.

"Do me a favor and bring Full Metal here." I command and watch her give Havoc one last death glare before making her way out of the room. What is with that woman and paperwork?

"Why do ya need Ed?" Havoc asks, pulling out a cigarette. Maes shakes his head as I grin. Why, of course, I'm going to send him to pick up our dear and loved Nao. As much as she despises him, I'm sure the two will be quite...entertained by each others presence.

"He's planning on sending Ed to pick up Nao. Which I think is one of the stupidest ideas to come from Roy's head in a long, long time." Hughes gives me one of those looks which I wave off. I'm a genius, Maes, a genius. Nothing idiotic comes into my mind.

"Nao's coming back?" Havoc asks with a grin. I silently noted to not let Nao and Havoc be together...in a room with no supervision. "Wait, you're sending Ed? Are you sure that's a good idea Mustang?"

"Don't bother asking, he's made up his mind." Maes replies as the door opens. Yes, I've made up my mind and it's nothing personal but I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! Nao will go through hell and those short miniskirts of hers will not help her out of this cruel fate I have set for her!

"What the hell do you want me for?" Edward asks, popping out of nowhere. If it isn't the alchemist who lacks common sense and height. "WELL?"

"Calm down, Edward. You have such a _short_ temper."

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SMALLER THAN A GRAIN OF-"

"Edward, I said nothing of the sort. I was merely commenting you on how you get easily angered." I love the look on Full Metal's face when he gets angry. The perks of being a colonel in a military. I can insult people and get away with it.

"Well then, what the HELL DO YOU WANT? Or did you just call me here to insult me." I sigh, pulling out my glove. If Edward was going to insist that I'm insulting him and start an argument with me, I might as well be prepared. Of course, Maes notices my actions and gives me that look. The look that tells me 'Roy, you're taking this too far'.

"Full Metal, I did not call you here to insult you. I have a job for you to do." Edward glares at me. "I need you to go to the train station and pick up one of our alchemist." Why Edward, you seem angry.

"You want me to do WHAT?" Edward shouts as he tries to push Maes away from him. There goes that short temper of his again. "I AM NOT AN ESCORT FOR MILITARY DOGS! I REFUSE TO GO!"

"Who said you had a choice?" I ask, smirking. Edward, apparently not liking what I just said, starts yelling a string of curse words at me.

"So I have to go play escort for some damn alchemist?"

"Not any damn alchemist Ed. The Black Feather Alchemist." Havoc states, putting another cigarette in his mouth. That idiot goes through enough cigarettes a day to compete with all those pictures of Elysia that Hughes owns. In other words, Havoc smokes a lot.

"You mean that bastard of an state alchemist that is a personal hitman for the military?" Ed sneers as he pushes Maes's arm away from him, not wanting to be held back by the Lieutenant Colonel. "I'm not going to pick him up." Him? I hold in a laugh as does Maes and Havoc. Edward thinks Black Feather is a man? I'm not going to bother correcting him. It ought to be interesting to see Edward's reaction when he sees that Black Feather is a girl.

"Yes..well, we aren't here to judge. Now Black Feather's train should be arriving soon so I suggest that you starting walking." Edward glares at me as he mutters something that sounds awfully like 'Why that little bastard'. As he starts walking out the door I gleefully add, "And if anyone is little here Edward-" The door slams shut as I shake my head.

"At least he's going." Maes says. I watch him pull something out his pocket. "Now, I can show you these adorable pictures of Elysia in the flower garden." Damn. Perhaps I should have gone to pick up Nao myself.

* * *

(Ed's PoV)

That _BASTARD_! Sending _ME_ to pick up a _FUCKING_ hitman _ALCHEMIST_ instead of _GOING_ his _FUCKING SELF_! I hate Roy Mustang. I hate him with a passion. That bastard lives to make my life more fucking miserable than it already is. One day, one day I'll kill him. I'll murder the bastard and then DANCE on HIS DAMN GRAVE. Stupid arrogant bastard. Thinks he so damn fucking cool. 'Look at me, I'm the Flame Alchemist. Watch me as I show off! Oh Full Metal, I didn't see you there with my stacks and stacks of unfinished work piled on my desk only proving that I'm a lazy bastard! Blah, blah, blah Ed is short blah, blah, blah I'm ROY MUSTANG! Incredibly dashing and handsome enough to NOT get a date! Blah!' I hate him. So fucking much.

"Nii-san, are you okay?" I twitch and look at my younger brother, Alphonse.

"Yeah Al. I'm fine." I don't know why I have to pick up Black Feather. Why couldn't Mustang send Hawkeye or Havoc? In fact, why didn't he go his damn self? Nooo, it's always has to be me who does his work. I shouldn't go. I'm sure Black Feather can find his way around here.

"So why are we going to the train station?" Al asks as we past a few shops. I shouldn't have dragged Al along with me. He could have stayed back and finish up our research but he did insist he go with me.

"To pick up the Black Feather Alchemist." I reply bitterly. I've got the right to be bitter right now. If it weren't for that bastard then I would be working on finding the Philosopher's Stone right now.

"Oh...nii-san, isn't that the alchemist who-" I nod. Nearly everyone in the military has heard of the Black Feather Alchemist. Some dude with personal issues that became a state alchemist without having to take the exam like the rest of us hardworking alchemist. I think the only reason he didn't have to is because he's a damn hitman. He kills anyone who pisses off the military, doing their dirty work. That sick fuck probably enjoys it too. That's all I know about the alchemist seeing as he is always locked up in Central. I heard from Hughes that Black Feather isn't one for being social but is a 'respected' Lt. Colonel with great alchemy skills. I'm probably better than him though. After all, I am the Full Metal Alchemist. "So..we have to pick him up?" I nod again.

"Nothing we can do about it Al. We just get the guy, bring him to Roy's office and go back to doing research." I say, sighing. Then after that, I'll find Mustang and murder him. Walking slowly, Al and I take our time getting to the train station. So what if the train arrives? Not my problem. The alchemist will just have to wait.

**At the train station**

"Nii-san...I think we're late." Al says, looking around. There might be a slight problem if we can't find the alchemist. It's not like we took our sweet time walking here. It wasn't like I distracted Al from dragging me to the train station by stopping at the pet shop and letting him look at the kittens. I didn't do anything. If we're late we should blame it on...the train. The train was just early. It wasn't me. Why am I talking to myself? "Nii-san, are you listening?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. I am listening." Looking around, I see...nothing. Well there is this girl sitting on a suitcase but that's it. Nothing else.

"Should we ask the girl if the train already came?" Al asks. I nod and follow Al to where the girl is sitting. "Excuse me." Al asks but doesn't get a response. The girl looks deep in thought...that or she's just stupid and can't hear us. "Um, excuse me Miss.." The girl looks at Al, shocked. I'm not surprised. It's not everyday that you get approached by a talking suit of armor.

"Um..yeah?"

"Did the train already come?" The girl nods.

"Damn." I mutter. If we don't find the Black Feather Alchemist then I'm screwed beyond belief. "Come on Al." I say as I start walking away.

"Wait." I hear the girl say. I sigh, turning around. "Aren't you Edward Elric?" She asks. I grin.

"Yes." I reply. The girl stares at me, with her mouth open. Damn, I know I'm the famous Full Metal Alchemist but no need to be starstruck. Wait, she doesn't look happy or surprised. In fact, the girl looks angry.

"**I'M GOING TO KILL ROY MUSTANG!**"


	5. Pain is Fun

Disclaimer: If I owned then a certain person in the English dub would have a different voice.(coughenvycough)

Note-o: Oi...another chapter As you can guess the main character Nao isn't fond of Edward even though they've never met...anyway hope you like and review please! (Also, if I've got any spelling/grammar mistakes that is because half was written at 1 in the morning and the other half with me lacking my glasses. So I'm blind in other words...)

**Chapter 5: Pain is Fun**

I check my watch for the fifth time since I got off the train. It's been nearly an hour since I got here and I swear if someone doesn't show up soon, I'm going to beat someone into a bloody pulp. No, correction I'm going to beat Roy Mustang into a bloody pulp. That bastard should have been here or at least sent someone like Havoc or Hawkeye or even Sparkle Boy...I mean Armstrong. But nooo, what does Nao get? Nothing. That's it, if I have to sit around here I might as well start plotting Roy's death. First, I'll make sure he can't get those damn gloves on then I'll use alchemy to transmute something into a sword. Then I'll decapitate him, stick his head on a...well, stick then parade around with his head on the stick while everyone celebrates. Or I could...

"Excuse me." I'll choke him to death...ooo, better yet I'll use his own gloves to burn him to a crisp. "Um, excuse me Miss..." A suit of armor says. Wait, backtrack...a suit of armor? I look up at it and blink. A suit of armor is talking to me. Luckily, I'm not stupid so my guess is either there is an actual person in that suit or someone soul is bound to it by the anchoring seal.

"Um...yeah?" I reply, still kind of shocked. If it is a soul bound to armor, this is a first for me. I've never seen a soul-binding experiment that has succeeded. Of course if he is a soul in armor, only one thing comes to mind : CAN I POKE HIM?

"Did the train already come?" I nod. If he expected to get on that train, he is way late.

"Damn...come on Al." I look at this short blonde next to the armor. I didn't notice the kid before..guess I was too caught up with the armor. Wait..did that kid call the armor Al? As in Alphonse Elric? AS IN THE SUIT OF ARMOR, ALPHONSE ELRIC, YOUNGER BROTHER OF EDWARD ELRIC? That would mean...no. It couldn't be. Edward Elric wouldn't be that short would he?

"Wait." The blonde turns around and sighs. Well, sorry if I waste your time shrimp. "Aren't you Edward Elric?" The blonde grins. Oh shit.

"Yes." I blink. That's Edward Elric with the stupid grin on his face. The armor is his younger brother, Alphonse Elric. The Elric Brothers are here which only means one thing...

"**I'M GOING TO KILL MUSTANG!**" HE KNOWS I HATE ELRIC! THAT IDIOT EXCUSE OF AN ALCHEMIST! THINKS HE IS SO HIGH AND MIGHTY JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T NEED AN ARRAY TO TRANSMUTE OBJECTS! I WILL TEAR MUSTANG LIMB FROM LIMB AND FEED HIM TO..TO...TO HAVOC!  
Wait...the Elric brothers are still standing there...they look terribly confused. I'm going to be as polite as I can and introduce myself. "I'm Nao Walters. The Black Feather Alchemist." Woah, that came out a little colder than intended. Oh well. Hey, why do they look so surprised?

"YOU'RE THE BLACK FEATHER ALCHEMIST?" No. I'm not. I just said that for kicks. Despite what I want to say, I just nod and look at the idiot and his younger brother. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE A HE!" Why am I not surprised? Hmm, let's see is it because I tell them (meaning Hughes, Mustang and anyone associated with me) to tell others who have never even seen a lock of my hair that I'm a guy? It's easier to deal with people if they don't know who you are. Maybe I should have worn the military uniform...at least I would have been identifiable.

"Well, I'm not. So you are the Full Metal pipsq-..I mean alchemist?" I ask hotly. The stupid shrimp glares at me before nodding. "I assume that bastard Roy sent you?" He continues nodding. "Okay, one more question before you win the grand prize shorty."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICROSCOPIC ATOM THAT ISN'T VISIBLE TO THE HUMAN EYE?" Edward yells, flailing his arms insanely as his younger yet taller brother holds him back. Man, he sure has a temper. I didn't say any of those things...where the hell did he pull that phrase out of?

"I did not call you a microscopic atom that isn't visible to the human eye Elric. I called you short. S-H-O-R-T."

"You're one to talk, we're the same height." Edward mutters, glaring daggers at me. Good thing looks can't kill. Good thing his brother is holding him back too.

"Whatever. Anyway, back to my question." I narrow my eyes at the Elric Brothers. "Why are you 45 minutes late?" Edward loses all color in his face as Alphonse laughs nervously. Oh this is going to be good.

"Uh..you see...I...and then..." Edward stumbles over the explanation, leaving most of it out.

"It's not Nii-san's fault. It's mine. I made him stop at this pet shop so I could look at the kittens. I guess we got caught up and forget the time. I'm really sorry Nao-san." Alphonse says, bowing a little. I frown. It's obvious that the boy is covering for his elder brother but I don't question it. Kittens? Really, what an excuse.

"Whatever. Can we just get to the HQ without anymore stops for kittens?" I ask, walking past them.

"Sure." Edward replies as the two start walking with me.

* * *

"How long have you been a State Alchemist?" Alphonse asks me. I hate small talk. Does it look like I want to talk?

"Two years." I really hate small talk.

"Oh. And how old are you?" Did I mention I hate small talk?

"15." At least Edward isn't talking. The last thing I need to hear is his overconfident, annoying voice.

"Oh...is it true you didn't have to take an entrance exam?" I snicker. Who the hell has been feeding Alphonse this information? Who am I going to have to kill in order to avoid the explanation that I didn't take the exam?

"What the hell? Of course I had to take it. What idiot told you that I didn't?" I look at Alphonse who is staring accusingly at his older brother. Oh. Of course, Edward would say such things. Wait who told him that? I'm betting Mustang...or Hughes...okay, someone is going to go through a lot of pain today. "Anyway, I took it. I got in like every other state alchemist." I hear Edward snort and glare at him. He glances at me and glares right back. I'm starting to dislike Full Metal more and more. What a stupid name too. Full Metal, why he isn't even full metal! He doesn't appear to have any metal limbs either. I mean, I know he has got an automail arm and leg but you can't see it. "Hey, you know I would have mistaken you for the elder brother and the Full Metal Alchemist, Alphonse."

"W-who m-me?" I nod vigorously as Edward glares at me even more.

"Sure, you're in a metal suit of armor hence the connection to 'Full Metal' plus you're _taller_." Edward growls.

"I'm right here you know." He states in an angry tone. I didn't know that someone could get so worked up about their height.

"I know." I reply smugly, walking ahead of the two into the building. Now that we are here, first step: FIND ROY MUSTANG AND BEAT HIM INTO A BLOODY PULP! I run off to find the office room, having no trouble locating it. After all, how difficult is it to find his office? I'm sure he's the only one around here who causes trouble. "ROY! MY LOVE! I'VE ARRIVED!" I yell rather evilly as I burst into the office. Astonishing enough, I see Hawkeye with a grin on her normally serious face, Havoc with a evil smirk, Fury looking quite scared of me and Breda who was just standing there. "So where is the bastard?" I ask. Havoc points to another door. With glee, I open the door and throw my suitcase at Roy's head.

"OW! DAMN WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR WALTERS?" Roy howls as my very heavy suitcase hits the ground and he clutches his head in obviouspain. Mwahaha, I enjoy seeing others in pain.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT'S FOR YOU TWIT?" I yell as I enter his office and slam the door behind me. "Why the HELL did you send Full Metal to 'welcome' me Roy?" Roy smirks at me. Ooo, I hate that smirk.

"I thought you two would get along." Along my ass! I despise Edward Elric. Sure, I've never met him but I've got my reasons. Stupid alchemist with his stupid no-transmutation-circles alchemy. With all his praises from people, other military personal. I heard that the Fuhrer adores him. Says he has 'great potential' and whatnot. Load of bull. "Are you angry Nao?" I slam my hands on the table.

"Damn STRAIGHT, I'm angry. What in the name of alchemy, possessed you to send him?" I hiss. Roy, who is grinning, just shrugs a response. His eyes though, tell me the whole story. "It's because I transmuted your uniform into a skirt and burned the rest of your clothes the last time I came isn't it?" Roy narrows his eyes. A-hah! I've got him. I think.

"Black Feather, it just so happens that Full Metal was the only available one at the time." Sure. What Roy doesn't know is that I know THAT HE HAS A BUNCH OF SLACKERS UNDER HIS COMMAND. I mean really, they couldn't have been all busy. Maybe Hawkeye but Havoc? Fury? Breda? I doubt it. I seriously, seriously doubt it. Damn bastard sending Full Metal. Damn Full Metal. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE ROY, I HATE THE MILITARY! I glare at Roy who was smirking...again. He has officially pissed me off. I reach for the nearest metal object (a lamp) and grab it. Twitching, I grin madly at Roy and raise the lamp.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"WALTERS DON'T YOU DARE!" _Thunk._

* * *

**OMAKE** (a/n :because I can..written in third person! Some obvious Roy/Ed)

Roy Mustang stands upon his desk, yelling. Nao sits in front of it, clearly bored. "Do you KNOW who I am?" Nao rolls her eyes.

"Roy Mustang, Colonel, Flame Alchemist, pompous idiot."

"YES...wait, NO. I AM THE FLAME ALCHEMIST! MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WATCH MY SHOW JUST FOR ME!"

"You're show? And here I thought it was called FULL METAL ALCHEMIST not FLAME ALCHEMIST."

"The Full Metal Alchemist? I have more fans than that pipsqueak. It SHOULD be changed to the Flame Alchemist. For I have millions of fans..."

"Millions of fans eh? You do know that your fans would love to see you and Edward in bed together spooning..." Roy's face turns a slight red otherwise losing all other color. "And you know what they say Roy...spooning leads to _forking_.."


End file.
